I think one of the hardest things about life is figuring out exactly who I am. I've learned the hard way that my identity has to be independent of anyone else. I spent many years believing my identity was found through being a pastor's wife and homeschooling, stay-at-home mommy. However, with just a signature on a legal document, I lost my entire identy.
Over four years later, I'm still trying to figure out exactly who I am. I know I am a child of God in the spiritual sense, but who am I on this earth? Is my identity a medical transcriptionist? No, because in the blink of an eye, I could lose my job. Is my identity a mommy? No, because my children will grow upand leave home. Is my identity Kurt's girlfriend? No, because again, that could change.
Who am I anyway? Where to I find freedom? I love to quilt, but in reality, I'm not very good at it. Do I like to bake? Oh yes, cookies are my speciality, but that's not it either.
When I think back over the past few years, I have found the most freedom behind the lens of my camera. I can be in the midst of a crowd, but not hear or see anything except what I have set my sights on to photograph. I am able to express my creativity and permanently capture the world through my own eyes.
When I am forced into an uncomfortable or undesirable situation, I am comforted if I can bring my camera and take pictures. Just last week, I felt so alone and awkward as I entered Timothy's elementary school for his Christmas program. I saw all the happy "normal parents" (mommy and daddy together) and felt conspicuously alone. However, once I pulled out my camera and began to photograph the program, the insecurities and awkwardness faded away.
So, is my identity a photographer? I don't know.... maybe so....